Recently, I’ve become really irritated over the disrespect some people show others on social media. For the sake of this post, let’s agree that social media is any tool on the Internet one can use to get and share information. As an author, and one who is a self-proclaimed expert idiot, I need my connections and groups on social media to learn. From my current headache of learning about owning/riding/caring for a horse, to what a poly-amorous relationship is really about, these groups save me tons of time. Can I go to the virtual library and rummage around to learn what experts have to say on human sexuality and current trends? Sure. But will I get as vibrant an answer as what I can get in one of my private conversations on Facebook or FetLife? No. Can I ask a book a stupid question and get an honest answer? No. But somebody is going to describe exactly what that blue wand feels like when it’s pressed against certain sensitive body parts.
So what’s my beef? There are plenty of people who are posers. They pretend they’re interested in the subject matter or social positioning of a private or secret group to get invited. Then they spend time trolling for dates, play partners, or ways to make trouble for the group members. Besides being totally inappropriate, it destroys trust and ruins a safe place for other members to share intimate information about themselves and their lives.
You’ve probably seen this note a thousand times on Facebook: If you don’t like what you see on my wall, please just leave.
Now, why people can’t actually do that is the million-dollar question. Usually authors don’t keep their purpose a secret. We are out here blasting away about our titles, characters, covers, and buy links. Our playful attitudes attract friends and fans. That is my goal. But the social media rules are not in favor of us. Another author gets pissy about your sales and decides to randomly report you to Facebook and your privileges get suspended temporarily or permanently. There’s no recourse but to wait it out or find another door in. A person joins a private group and goes along until they see a photo and commentary that they don’t like – and presses report. A bunch of readers decides to target an author for some other random reason and you get to spend the next few days or weeks wondering if that teeny-tiny hole you’ve punched into the publishing universe is going to shut because of this gang mentality. The owner of the private group is booted off Facebook by a group member. You pick up a stalker in a private group. The stalker calls your house. Um yeah. Explain that one to your spouse.
For me, studying pictures of naked people and watching porn is not usually for my personal pleasure. Last time I checked, I was a straight, white, married woman. So, what’s play like with a Domme? How does a butt plug feel to a man? What does that taste like? What’s the procedure here? It’s called a what? These things have I DON’T KNOW plastered all over them. I use these groups, as do so many of my friends, not to get my visual jollies, but to learn. I might study a photo to observe a skin texture, a tattoo, a body shape, color, or skin tone, or to get new ideas about what other men and women sound and look like in intimate settings.
I’ve admired the tenacity of some of my author friends. They keep finding ways to get into the game, time and again. But it’s time consuming and it’s frustrating. Research to provide those nuances and flavors that bring your story to life isn’t an easy task. Those of us on the hunt for information are usually forthcoming. Read any of my profiles and it’s clear who I am, what I’m about, and what I want.
So, I’m asking for some respect-for myself and for my colleagues. Please stop reporting us and bothering us with your drama. We’re not here as a dating service or to turn you on. We’re here to work and have a little fun along the way. And if you can’t respect that, then please leave us alone. Stop exposing us to your nastiness and go away. What’s considered private should remain private.
Margie Church writes erotic romance novels with a strong suspense element, in keeping with her moniker: Romance with SASS (Suspense Angst Seductive Sizzle). She has a degree in writing and editing and has been a professional writer, editor, and journalist for over 25 years. If you enjoy books you can’t put down, read one of hers.
Margie lives in Minnesota, is married, and has two children. Some of her passions are music, flower gardening, biking, walking on moonlit nights, nature, and making people laugh. She also writes children’s books under the pen name, Margaret Rose.
Keep up with Margie:
Margie’s website: Romance with SASS
Margie’s blog: http://blog.RomanceWithSASS.com
Margie’s Amazon Author page: http://www.amazon.com/Margie-Church/e/B008H7HO4I/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_1